Hey there, boys and girls! Remember me? Jeff Moore? That gangly, self-conscious, marginally socially adept, smart-but-fundamentally-really-stupid Caucasian youth you elected as your class president a bazillion years ago? No? I don't blame you; I'm not sure I remember him either.
Man! First Lady Kris (Anderson) Moore and I are really looking forward to our 50-YEAR REUNION! Fifty years is an astoundingly long time. Well, of course, you gotta forget about the Big Bang and continental drift and dinosaurs and stuff like that. But in human terms it's a long time. It occurred to me recently that on that June day in 1966 when we graduated, less time had gone by since the end of World War 1 than has gone by since. Not II, mind you - I. We were closer to World War I then than we are to the day we graduated now! I don't know about you, but to me, when I was in high school, World War I was severely ancient history. (You don't suppose that the graduates of 2016 feel the same way about 1966, do you?) Here's another way to think about it: Let's say human civilization emerged maybe 10,000 years ago - kind of a mid-point estimate, according to Mr. Internet. That means that the 50 years since we graduated constitutes about 1/2 of a percent of the time since the beginning of civilization. You only have to string 200 or so 50-year reunions end-to-end and you're back to the dawn of civilization! Only about 20 of 'em and you Vikings out there - you know who you are - are regularly rampaging your way across Europe! (Terrorizing us poor, bedraggled Irish peasants, I might add. But I'm ready to let bygones be bygones.)
Let's see...Where was I? Oh yeah; 50. Fifty years, people - THAT is a reason to celebrate! THAT is a reason to throw ourselves a PARTY! Everybody - do you hear me? EVERYBODY! be there! That ends the morning announcements.